… discover the only way to have kawaii safe sex!
Japan’s ability to create totally useless and über-kawaii characters is known worldwide.
Starting with Sanrio’s classic icon Hello Kitty and spreading to the recent Domo-Kun and Gloomy ironic take on this weird japanese tradition, Japanese savoir-faire in this field is undeniable.
Rilakkuma managed to climb to the top of this Kawaii food chain and is now one of the most popular characters ever released to the market.
So, inevitably, countless Rilakkuma goodies have been created ; to the point that sometimes you’re left speechless, scratching your head in a What were they thinking? kind of way in front of a Rilakkuma waffle maker, stapler or pair of panties.
That’s how I felt when I first encountered the…
At first, I was a bit in the state of disbelief : was there really a need to create Rilakkuma designed condoms? are condoms even remotely kawaii? and is sex (even done in a safe way) allowed in a kawaii-driven lifestyle?
Too many questions.
So I decided to inspect the package.
And what seemed to me like a regular cute box of condoms slowly started to unreveal its abominable secrets.
Look more precisely and you’ll know what I mean.
Under the RILAKKUMA sign, something is written in japanese : Issho ni yofukashi shimasen ka?, which basically means Let’s stay up late ok?
Well nothing too strange about that, it’s even one the best way to imply further physical contact without sounding gross or too direct.
But now let’s take a look at the picture.
What do we see?
Rilakkuma playing cards with his female counterpart (Korilakkuma if I’m not mistaken). She looks really tired (her eyes) and the yellow bird is already sleeping. She clearly wants to go to sleep but Rilakkuma forces her to keep on playing cards. I like to think they’re playing some kind of weird asian version of poker involving money… He’s even saying to her : ‘the night is just getting started‘.
So… HE IS BASICALLY WAITING FOR HER TO BE TOO WEAK TO REFUSE INTERCOURSE!
He already lit up some nice candles with aphrodisiac smell and if you look closely you’ll also notice that there’s only one cup of ‘milk’ on the table. If I may ask, I’d really want to know why Rilakkuma doesn’t drink milk himself. Is there something weird in it? Is it why Korilakkuma looks so sleepy? Who put something in the milk?
And… AREN’T WE LOOKING AT A ‘5 MINUTES BEFORE RAPE’ SCENE?
Or are we?
Everything leads to the conclusion that :
In Japan, sometimes the cutest things are also the most twisted ones.
Anyway, if you’re in the mood for some kawaii copulation, you can buy the Rilakkuma condoms at the DIRECT JAPAN WEB SHOP.
Feel safe, the manufacturer is Okamoto, the japanese leader in birth control products.